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AJ and I met on Webcam tonight. I got a phone call and Webcam in the same day. I think he sensed that I have been down this week. I'm out of my normal routine, and I don't do well with that. I must stay busy... especially now. I am not a good housewife, or a stay at home Mom. I am a better wife and mother when I have my own space. So, this week has been tricky. I think I get my house much cleaner when I have to fit it in with the business.

AJ didn't have much to say on webcam. I felt like I was digging to create a conversation. I absolutely hate that. He doesn' t have much going on, and I feel guilty telling him the things we are doing and not being super excited about doing them when I know all he wants to do is to be here to do things with the boys. (High School Musical on Ice this weekend. ) I know the boys will love it, but not really my thing. His advanced party replacements got there today. So, that is a nice feeling. He said that he had started to pack. I guess tonight, I just wanted some intimacy and not to see the Marine. He was yelling at stupid Marines while on the webcam, and I guess I just wanted that sweet side of him and not the big bad Marine. It seemed as if our time went super fast and we really didn't chat about anything exciting. I started to cry when he said he had to go. I'm not sure he saw me. I tried to hide it. It's just the worse. I'm so tired of feeling incomplete.

We had our homecoming meeting at the drill center today. I am going to the homecoming this weekend for the first group, but I'm honestly not excited about it. I guess the final determiner today was when we had our meeting and a Vietnam Vet explained to me how important it is to have people there and how he got of the plane from Vietnam and only two people were there and no one really cared. He started to cry. So, I guess at that moment I decided that this is not about me. This is about supporting those I have been supporting this year, whether they know I am there or not. It's a lot like torture and it will suck. But, it's that last negative thing I can put on the list with spending every single holiday without AJ this year.

Ok. I'm done being negative and need to get my butt to bed. It's going to be an exhausting few days.