No... He's NOT Home!

It was a long first day back to work. Every single one of my coworkers thought AJ made it home early with all the media hype with the first homecoming. I know it was confusing, but it got really old when I had to answer the question. I even had someone ask how it felt to have him home.... ugh! I did get to brag about my coming trip.

I called the base this morning and we got a beach cottage for 4 days of our stay and AJ can stay an extra night after we leave. We will stay in a hotel the first two nights. We did find a suite, so that we can have a little privacy. *Wink*

I got to go shopping after school and found something to wear on the plane. Had to remember to be somewhat conservative, after hearing the stories of women getting asked to leave flights for the way they dressed. *Sorry Honey!*

I had to tell the boys today with all the conversation floating around school. I didn't want Keegan to hear it from someone else. They are excited. Brayden thinks he gets AJ all to himself. It will be fun the next few weeks getting ready. They are excited about the whole idea. I also have something to hang over their heads the next few weeks... Yes!

Well, I am exhausted and didn't sleep a wink last night.

A thought from my Marine...

" I'm so excited to pick you guys up at the airport. It's like you are coming home to me. Weird!"

Just over 2 weeks!

Yes, it is 12 a.m. and I am up. I talked to AJ tonight and we are suprising the boys with a trip out to see him in just over 2 weeks. He is being sent advanced party and we decided that rank finally had it's perks. We will get to spend 6 days with him. I am going to wrap a present for each of them at Brady's birthday party this Sunday to surprise them! So excited!!!!!!!!

A Reality Check** and a clarification**

AJ and I had planned to meet on webcam last night. I know that if it hits 10:15 he is not going to get on. I closed my laptop and decided to go to bed. About an hour later he called. I couldn't find the phone, but quickly got my barrings and answered it. He said, " I'm not suppose to be calling you... everything is shut down. Everyone is ok in my group,but they shut down the computers and phones because they had a death (** to clarify this is standard procedure when there is a casualty anywhere in the area. this does not mean that there was a death of a Marine in AJ's group, attached to AJ''s group, or even on the base where he is. Everyone is fine with those groups and I would NEVER blog about something that would create concern for our families back here.)and they are notifying the family." Right then and there, he reality that he is still in harms way, kicked in. My heart sunk and of course had to question if there was an escalation in violence in his area. He assured me that it was not and that it was more north near Baghdad. I of course asked if I had to worry while he was in transit to get out of there, and he said they didn't go that way. Ugh... So at that point I was awake and we actually got to talk about the day and the Marines I saw at the homecoming. I also told him about the things I didn't like about the day, and told him we were going to modify those things.. since he would be in charge and all =)

Well, the boys are begging me to make french toast. They let me sleep in to 8:30 on my last day off. I honestly don't feel well rested. It has been such a crazy, emotional week. The kids and I are headed to High School Musical on Ice this afternoon and to the grocery store. Have a great Sunday!

We Weren't Crazy

I came across this song by Josh Gracin the other day. It totally is about AJ and I and my other Marine wife friends who left home at a young age to go to California with their Marines. I remember everyone telling us that we were crazy and that we would never make it. We are 14 days away from our 11 year wedding anniversary. =)

We headed out to California everybody tried to warn us said we wouldn’t make it any further than that worn out Chevy would we broke down a time or two thought “maybe we didn’t think it through” we were all we had to turn to when it wasn’t lookin’ good we’re lookin’ back laughin’ ‘cause they called us crazy (chorus)

we were young, we were wild, we were restless had to go, had to fly - had to get away took a chance on that feelin’ - baby we were lovin’ blind - borderline reckless we were livin’ for the minute we were spinnin’ in maybe we were a lot of things but we weren't crazy just a couple kids a couple years ago now we gotta couple kids of our own

we turn out right - proved them wrong look at us goin’ strong lookin’ back laughin’ ‘cause they called us crazy (repeat chorus)

coulda set it down when things got tough coulda walked away from this love but that’d been crazywe were young, we were wild, we were restless had to go, had to fly, had to get awaytook a chance on that feelingwe were lovin blind, borderline recklesswe were livin for the minute we were spinning inmaybe we were a lot of thingsoh maybe we were a lot of things but we werent crazywe werent crazywe werent crazy

She Who Waits... Continues to Wait =(

I am home from the homecoming of the first group in AJ's unit. I have to say it was a LONG day. We were to be there at 8:30, and the buses didn't get there until 12:30. All I can say is that it was beautiful, emotional, exciting, and draining. My whole body hurts and I am exhausted. I will update more later.

Blah

AJ and I met on Webcam tonight. I got a phone call and Webcam in the same day. I think he sensed that I have been down this week. I'm out of my normal routine, and I don't do well with that. I must stay busy... especially now. I am not a good housewife, or a stay at home Mom. I am a better wife and mother when I have my own space. So, this week has been tricky. I think I get my house much cleaner when I have to fit it in with the business.

AJ didn't have much to say on webcam. I felt like I was digging to create a conversation. I absolutely hate that. He doesn' t have much going on, and I feel guilty telling him the things we are doing and not being super excited about doing them when I know all he wants to do is to be here to do things with the boys. (High School Musical on Ice this weekend. ) I know the boys will love it, but not really my thing. His advanced party replacements got there today. So, that is a nice feeling. He said that he had started to pack. I guess tonight, I just wanted some intimacy and not to see the Marine. He was yelling at stupid Marines while on the webcam, and I guess I just wanted that sweet side of him and not the big bad Marine. It seemed as if our time went super fast and we really didn't chat about anything exciting. I started to cry when he said he had to go. I'm not sure he saw me. I tried to hide it. It's just the worse. I'm so tired of feeling incomplete.

We had our homecoming meeting at the drill center today. I am going to the homecoming this weekend for the first group, but I'm honestly not excited about it. I guess the final determiner today was when we had our meeting and a Vietnam Vet explained to me how important it is to have people there and how he got of the plane from Vietnam and only two people were there and no one really cared. He started to cry. So, I guess at that moment I decided that this is not about me. This is about supporting those I have been supporting this year, whether they know I am there or not. It's a lot like torture and it will suck. But, it's that last negative thing I can put on the list with spending every single holiday without AJ this year.

Ok. I'm done being negative and need to get my butt to bed. It's going to be an exhausting few days.

A Thought....

I stole this off a Marine Wive's MySpace (Thanks Edina!)

A card from Iraq!

LOL! I went to my mailbox today and noticed a pink card with AJ's handwritting on it. He hasn't sent any letters this deployment, so I was shocked. I started to open it and realize it said Happy Valentine's Day. He asked me about 6 weeks ago if I got his Valentine's Day card and was frustrated that I hadn't gotten it. Well.. it came today. The sweetest note was inside. I had to share

" ... I just want you to know that you are the most important person in my life. You have made me the happiest main the world and you are my corner stone in my life. I thank you for everything and will try to repay you for the rest of my life. I will love you forever."

Silver Lining #1

I sent AJ's some pictures today. I asked for a few in return. This is what I got...

"I will work on pics for you but I am kind of wanting to keep my new body a secret until you see me in person. "


This has to be silver lining #1 of this deployment. =)

Finally a phone call!

I finally got to talk to AJ today. I was starting to get frustrated, because it has been 5 days since I have had a webcam conversation or a phone call. I did get one brief E-mail, but it really didn't say much and I could tell he wrote it in a hurry. I finally wrote him an E-mail with some new pictures of me... and it worked! I got a phone call a half hour later =). We got cut off 3 times in our 30 minute conversation. We finally had to go because the phone was dying. I can not wait for the day we can talk as long as we want and not get cut off!

We talked a lot about how him coming home is going to work. He is confident that it will be smooth because there is only about 35 of them still there. Many have come home for personal reasons or small injuries. We are still waiting to here when the first group will be here. They are thinking sometime this weekend. I wasn't going to go to the airport, but think that I need to just put my big girl panties on and do it. It will be hard, but at least that means AJ is just that most closer too.

I decided to change my countdown if you didn't notice. I am now counting down the days until he gets to the US, then the homecoming count down. We dabbled in the possibility of me taking the kids to NC to see him one of the weekends he is there, but decided to save the money and stay here. I have to admit I was a bit bummed, but I understand not knowing what his schedule will be like and I am just AnXiOuS! The best I can explain it is being 5 and waiting for Christmas to come x 1000.

Yesterday, a girl at work who also lives in my town called and offered to take both boys to Chuck E. Cheese. Brady and her son had a birthday party to go to there, and I had promised Keeg he could go. She wanted to give me a break. I can't explain how much that meant to me. I so badly just needed to go buy some new bras and underwear and could do it in peace. I also took advantage of going to Olive Garden with Shannon and then went tanning. It was enough to recharge me. I have a pedicure appointment Friday and I can't wait =) .

Back to the whole bra and underwear thing. (Sorry to the guys that read this....) On a deployment you just get dressed. Never to impress anyone. I have let my bras and underwear just go, because there is no one to see them. So, after the past 9 months.. I decided to get some new things. I am also dying to buy some perfume. Perfume is another thing I have gone without. I also splurged on some new make up.

Well, I am watching my nieces today. The boys have enjoyed the company. Brady hasn't liked being the center of attention, but he will get over it. Hope you all are getting a little taste of Spring as we are!

This Rollercoaster called a deployment....

It's amazing the things you forget out from deployment to deployment. If you haven't noticed, I haven't been much in to blogging, mostly because I have been sick and have had no energy. But, mostly because I just have been feeling blah. I have these tiny butterflies that have been jumping around my tummy. I am so anxious for AJ to land on US soil. I find myself worrying that he is so close to coming home, and things have been so quiet. I cringe at the thought of him being out on a mission. We plan Webcam dates, and sometimes he doesn't show up. I have moved passed getting upset, knowing it is out of his control. But, it usually means he has had to venture out. Just the other day he had to make a trip to Ramadi. I don't dare ask him if it was quiet, because he wouldn't let me think otherwise. One of the nights he is home, he will sit me down and go through photos. He will then slowly tell me things he has seen and done. Always the G version, which is fine.

About a week ago, I wished I had take the boys to FL to see my grandma. I decided not to go through with the trip, because I felt really guilty about taking a vacation with AJ working so hard. He assured me that I deserved it and wished I would have gone. It was nice to spend Easter at home for a change, but we all are wishing we were laying on the beach now. I have enough to keep me busy, but not a lot of energy or desire.

I started wondering what was wrong with me. Then, I came across another Marine Wives's blog. It's amazing that I don't even know this wife, but she has been going through a deployment. Just hearing her thoughts, made me realize that I am not losing it... this is just all part of the roller coaster of this deployment. The ups and downs. We all share the same fears and anxieties.

Well, it is time to get the boys down. They still are getting up at 6:30. We have a break rule, not to wake me up until 8. But, that doesn't happen. I normally hear them fighting about something, and then just give up on sleeping.

Unable to Focus!

The first group of Marines in AJ's unit have hit the states. It will be days and they will be back to the area. As much as I am bummed that AJ's group is still a month behind, it means that he is not to far behind. A few more weeks and his boots will be firmly planted on US soil.

The boys and I had to run to the drill center. They honestly think they own the place, so it will be interesting when it is filled with Marines. They have all the Marines there wrapped around their fingers.

We then had to go take care of my passport. I headed downtown, and finally on the third try I found the building I needed to be at. When we got to the courthouse, it was hotter then heck. The line was long. I stood their realizing that I should just go get my passport photo taken, then come down and get my birth certificate and passport at the same time. So, we headed back up North to a Walgreens and I got McDonalds for the boys. In about 10 minutes I had my photos. We then went back downtown. When you enter the Courthouse, you have to go through security. My cell phone had fallen out of my purse and we couldn't find it. We finally found it under the X-ray machine. So, we then got to the room, and no wait! I thought this is going to be to easy. I started filling out my forms, to find out that I wasn't suppose to sign it. I am sure it says that in pretty big letters, but I was trying to fill it out as fast as I could with the boys kicking each other and Brady climbing on the waiting rope. After I finally got the form filled out, I realized I was out of checks. So, we had to pack up and walk 3 blocks to the nearest bank. I had to get a money order. When I was at the bank, I had the lady watch me fill it out. Sure enough.. I screwed up and wrote 5/24 instead of 3/24. When she corrected me, I sort of stood there and looked at her. Wishful thinking it would be the last week of May!!!

Then, back through security and back in line. Luckily, it wasn't long again. So, in 4 to 6 weeks I will have my passport. It only took me 3 hours to do it with all the trips. Not sure if AJ will have time to get his in NC, so we may have to pay to expedite his. Sure hope his goes smoother. Funny he will be traveling across the world and doesn't need it, but to fly to Mexico a few weeks later, we have to go through this. Oh well.

After the many trips around town, we are being lazy. I want to get my new bedroom stuff on tonight. The tub was suppose to be done tomorrow, but they called and the pieces were dented. Story of my life, this will now be the third attempt. I am so ready for this damn tub to be in and done. So.. now I have a jammed packed day with a doctor appointment, hair appointment, and errands to keep us out of the house, and we don't even need to be out. They rescheduled for Friday. Not sure why it only is taking a few days to refit us in, when we have been waiting since the beginning of February.

So, the summary of all of this is that I have lost my head. I hope that the rest of the month is better. It's going to be a long one!!!

Happy Easter!

Our weekend has been filled with Easter Egg hunts, lamb cake decorating, and just hanging out. The Easter Bunny was very good to the boys at left 43 eggs.I don't have pictures of that, because my boys were overlay anxious and had them all collected before I could get the camera out. This is the last holiday without AJ. We are under 30 days until his boots hit US soil.

This week will be busy. I started organizing closets and drawers. My tub is getting done Tuesday, along with a hair appointment for me, and a doctor's appointment. Wednesday we get to watch my nieces. The rest of the week will be spent getting the bathroom back together, maybe some painting, and getting my new comforter and curtains up in our room. It's suppose to be in the upper 50's so hopefully some outside time! Brady has two birthday parties to go to this week. Hope this finds you all well. Here are some photos of my family today.

Feeling Better

It's been a week and I am finally feeling better. Still not 100 percent, but better. We ate dinner at my parents tonight and colored some eggs. We are on Easter Vacation until March 31st!

So Sick....

If you haven't noticed.. I have been away the past few days. It seems as the flu bug finally reached us. (Well just me so far.) We all had our flu shots, but guess I got the strain that the shot does not protect against. I started coughing Wednesday, started feeling horrible Thursday, and by Friday was dying. I actually thinking I was worse yesterday. I couldn't even be a Mom. There was a point I was laying on the ripped up bathroom floor from coughing so hard. I had to call my Mom in a panic to come and get the boys. They were really good, Keegan even did dishes. But, there came a point where they were fighting and I just didn't have the energy to break it up. I slept all day yesterday and only got up a few times to eat something or get meds. My Dad came out and worked on my bathroom today, so I went and hung out with my Mom. Thanks for letting me rest Mom!

I did some online shopping today and found a more masculine comforter for our room. AJ wasn't crazy about the last and would comment that he is a real man and sleeps with a pink comforter. So... This is what he gets! I can't wait to get it!

Bathroom Demo

Thanks to my future brother in law and cousin in law, the floor in the bathroom is up. They got a nice surprise. It was not soaked to the sub floor due to a layer of wood and two layers of flooring. Now, we just have a mess until my Dad can get out this weekend and lay the new floor. Then the new tub will be put in the last week of March!

This Wraps It Up!

This just explains the past few weeks for me! Everyone who has been through a deployment knows the last month is the hardest. You are trying to wrap up everything that you had plan to do over the past months. You are trying to plan ahead so that you have less to do when he gets home. Well, I decided instead of painting my banner this time. I would order one. This is what I got. Notice the spelling of our last name. I was happy to hear that it was not my typo. They will send another one tomorrow!!!!!!

Happy Birthday AJ!

Happy b

A Cast for 4 weeks!

Last night, we had some friends over. Keeg was playing wii with our friend, Chris. He decided he needed to show off and do some running flip thing while bowling. That resulted on landing on his left arm. Last night I didn't think it was broken, but it started to swell and he was in a lot of pain this morning and woke me up at 3 a.m. I decided I better take him to the doctor. We had to wait for the case manager to refer us to the hospital. We were at the hospital about 3 hours, then had to wait to get into the Orthopaedic specialist. He said he did fracture his wrist bone and 4 weeks in a cast. He really has not many restrictions. He can even shower and swim with the cast. He is in pain tonight and realizing it might make playing the guitar, etc a bit difficult. I think he is most bummed he can't rollerskate in PE. At least we know have something to coutdown to. He will get his cast off April 8th, Brady's birthday. Then, AJ should be back a few weeks after.

New AJ Pics

Neglected Blog

Sorry that I have neglected my blog this week. I have just had a lot going on and have just haven't been into posting. I have enjoyed some nice visits from my friend Sara, visiting from CA. Sara and her husband Chris are both in the Airforce. They asked AJ and I to be the Godparents to their 4 year old daughter, Aidan. Yesterday we had her baptism. AJ's brother Bob was the stand in Godfather.


After the baptism and a little dinner, the girls all went out and then the guys all went out. We had a blast and stayed out way to late! With the time change, we all tried to play dumb to what time it really was.. but we are all feeling it today!

Other then that, AJ has less then 30 days until he leaves Iraq. He turns 31 on Wednesday. If you get a moment, please send him an E-mail. I would suggest using his MSN account- ajconrad21@msn.com. Remember he is 9 hours ahead of us.

Venting, But Moving Forward....

Ok. So when I posted my last post, I was feeling so exhausted and overwhelmed. The boys were giving me a hard time about going to bed. I just sort of have a melt down about 7:30 each night. Totally unfair to the boys, but I am so ready for them to get to bed. I feel horrible that I feel that way, but after dealing with 500 students through out my week.. I am sometimes just done with kiddos. Brady was kind of wild tonight, after taking a nap at school. Our big dog had gotten out of the yard due to Keegan leaving the gate open. Our little dog, knew his food was waiting inside, so he stayed close to the door. After having a major panic and yelling at the top of my lungs for about 20 minutes, Bailey finally came back. I had put a call into my brother in law because I couldn't get in my car and go look for him with the kids still inside. Keegan was hysterical and Brady was crying. I was just mad and just ready to be done with the dog.

AJ surprised me with an afternoon phone call. He never calls during the day. So, my first response was, "Why are you calling me." He wanted to make sure that I knew his Email was down again. But, I was so relieved that I had my phone on vibrate and that I was sitting by it actually talking about him when he called. I swear he has a sixth sense about that sort of stuff. He always can tell when I need a pick me up, even 4000 miles away.

I guess I have just been pretty emotional the past few nights. I have been really strong for months, and I am just ready to not be strong. AJ was talking about how he just wanted to snuggle up next to me the other night when we were on webcam. (This was at 12 a.m. and I was falling asleep talking to him.) I would have been totaly content with him just staying there on the webcam as I slept. I just am so ready for him to be home and to hold me. I know.. cheezy. But, I am ready for those simple things. I have to say that the most amazing thing about doing this so many times, is that I get to rediscover him and fall in love with him all over again each and everytime. How many people get to do that in their relationship? We all get so caught up in our day to day lives and don't stop and appreciate the ones we love. He is so amazing and he truly completes me. I am not myself without him.

As I have been trying to stay positive and not blog when I am feeling negative. Tonight was the night to shed some tears and vent. I have regrouped, and had some great conversations with a few of my girlfriends. I am ready to move forward..................

I can not wait!

I can not wait for:
* Help with putting away laundry.
*Tucking the kids into bed.
* A hand with the dinner dishes.
* To cook a big meal that someone will actually appreciate.
* A hand to sort the socks.
* The bird in my attic to be taken care of.
* To just hold hands.

* To be able to chat about my day without calling a list of people.
* For lazy Sundays and no worries if I don't get my whole list done.
* For a hand in Walmart, so I can concentrate and not want to tie my boys up.
* For a Sunday drive with the sun roof open.
* To be able to call AJ on his cell phone and actually have him answer.
* To be able to send an I love you text.
* To be able to go out with other couples.
* To be tucked in at night.
* To come home from work and the dishes are done and dinner is on the table.
* To fire up the grill and use our patio furniture.
* To argue with AJ about staying on one channel.
* To watch my boys wrestle with their Dad.
* For lots of hugs and kisses.
* To sleep a full night without waking up to see if AJ has emailed me.
* To not have to call for help when my dog gets out.
* To take a long walk.
* For airplanes to arrive.

*To hear that AJ is on US soil.
* For this deployment to be over.
*For the kiss I have been wait for, for months.

* To rediscover AJ all over again.
* For AJ to see how big the boys have grown.
* For AJ to hear Brayden read from his Dick and Jane book.
* For AJ to try to lift all 70lbs of Keegan.
* To have my heart back.

Yeah for 70 degrees!

We got a sneak peak of Spring today. It was wonderful to drive in the car with the sun roof down and let the sun hit my face! I got to spend the afternoon with some other Marine wives. We treated ourselves to some lunch, a cocktail, and a movie that wasn't rated G! It was nice to just talk about being anxious and tired of being patient. I also was able to get a few new things for Spring. Got to love a 30.00 off coupon at New York and Co!

Other then that, just living. I got my "lipstick" pink bridesmaid dress the other day. I totally need to keep tanning to not look washed out in it. *Love ya Jamie!* ( I know the matching gloves and hat might still show up!) She has been threatening me that if I didn't stay positive about the dress.. that I might have to wear matching gloves and a hat!

I booked our resort for Cancun yesterday! It felt wonderful. We are so excited. Now we both have to get our passports. I will get mine this week and he will have to do his when he gets into NC.

It looks as if he could be back here by the end of next month. But, it always could move into May. Positive thinking... positive thinking.

Basketball is now done for Keegan, so I am looking forward to no activities after school this week!