Pics from the weekend

My Dad, Jamie, Dan, and Jodi all came out and helped me carve pumpkins. Here are some pics from weekend.

Halloween pics!!

Me, My Wolverine, and My Grim Reaper

Aunt Dan and My Dad with the boys!

My Dad and Wolverine

Jamie is scared!
Jodi is scarrrreddd too!

Happy Halloween!

My blogging has once again taken a backseat. Life just gets in the way... The truth is, I have been extremely tired. I have been really busy at work learning knew things and completely drained after I get the boys to bed. It is my week to drive the boys to preschool, so I have to be up by 5:50, lately 6:15 after I hit my snooze ten times.. and all of us have to be out by 7. We haven't had a lot going on.. just getting ready for today.

They boys had a blast with their school parties and we did two blocks of trick or treating with my Dad. Thanks Dad! I have some pictures, but need to wait to get them from my Mom. My camera didn't have the memory card in it.. duh!

Anyway.. we are all doing good and haven't heard from AJ a whole lot this week. He sounds like he is really busy and the satellite phone is broken. So, looks like he will need phone cards. I knew it was to good to be hearing from him so often. Anyway.. wanted to check in so that you all knew I was alive! Hope you all had a great Halloween and I will post pictures soon!

More pics from Iraq!

It's Thursday already!!!!!!!!!

It is 4:45, and we are home from school and we have all eaten. What will I do with myself tonight? I had originally scheduled an eye appointment for me after school. I looked at the clock at 3:15 and realized there was no way I would make it to my eye appointment at 3:30, so I decided not to stress out about getting there and rescheduled it. Keeg and I headed down to get Brady and then we stopped and got a pizza on the way home. My boys were so hungry after school, that they both ate a piece and two bread sticks on the way home. Brady feel asleep eating his. On the way home, a local radio station was promoting Operation Santa (www.cipfm.us) a group I am proud to be associated with. They are doing a drive to fill the stockings that will go to Iraq. Anyway, I felt so touched by how much time they had been spending on this campaign and the attention they were giving it, so I decided to call and tell them. Not but 2 seconds later, they mentioned my name on the radio and were so grateful I called in to express my appreciation. It just still kills me how many people I run into, that have no idea he is gone or has been gone. I think some people don't even realize there is still a war going on.

Speaking of.. AJ called me this morning to wake me up. He is so sweet. He said " No more sleeping.. you need to talk to me." We got to talk for 20 minutes and didn't get cut off!!!! A great start to my day. He said he had just been out for the day. I asked about the kids he has been running into and what they were like. He said that hey are so cute. They will run up to them and say "Mister, Mister.. give me.. give me." He said they give them pens, pencils, whatever they have. I told him I would send the left over Halloween candy and some spider rings to pass out. He thought they would love that. So- if you have any of that kind of stuff, you can send it his way. I told him that I expected some photos of him and those kids. I also of course had to ask him if he had to be nervous about them. He said you have to watch them, but they seem safe. I asked if they speak much English. He said, a little. He said that he knows how to talk to them a little by sayng " Where is your Mom, Where is your Dad, etc. "

Well, I have the boys homework to get done. Then we rented Transformers. Tomorrow is Trick or Treat tail gating!

Thank you.. much better day

I wanted to thank you all for your love and comments. I am so blessed to have a wonderful family and friends. Yesterday was rough, today was much better. I think everything just got to me. Today was much better.

It is so funny how God works. I went to a K-2 Technology conference today. I was nervous about going because I didn't have anyone else going with me. As soon as I checked in, I heard.. "Hey there lady.. what are you doing here." It was my friend Rita. Rita was the KVC for the first deployment(Key volunteer coordinator), she handed me the position after she left the unit. Anyway.. she was one of my rocks through the first deployment and then we have always remained friends. She teaches 1st Grade at a local catholic school, so we run into each other at the funniest times. Today, was so nice to be with her. I got to sit by her at the conference and we got to go out to lunch and reconnect and talk. I mostly talked.. she listened. But, having a husband in the Marine Corps and kids she gets it.

AJ emailed Keegan today. It was so sweet. He made me tear up. Keegan was excited about it. He got my 3 packages I sent. He loved them but asked for more tuna. So, what did I do? I ran to Wal-mart and got him a ton of tuna! He will be sorry he asked =) So, tomorrow two more boxes go out.

I wanted to make something else very clear. I want you all to know that I did choose to be a Marine Wife. I knew that from day one it was not going to be easy. I have been with AJ from day one of his career. We decided together to do this deployment. So, I know that I have had choices along the way. So, I never wanted to sound like this wasn't my choice. I love the Marine Corps as much as my husband. It has made me into the person I am today. I have learned to become a leader, to be patient, and I would never had the strength I have without it. I wouldn't have traded any of our experiences for anything in the world. I wouldn't even trade this deployment. I know that in time, I will look back on this deployment and laugh about all of these things that have gone on.

Anyway it is 8:15 p.m. and I just got home for the day. I left at 7:15 today. We started basketball tonight, so that is why we had the late night. I am looking forward to taking these pointy toe heeled boots off and getting into my p.j's!

I love you all.

Ugh....

Today was a not so good day. Keegan had a counseling appointment at 8 a.m. The appointment started late, so it in turn finished late. I had it all planned that I would get there before my 9 a.m. class got there, but that it would be o.k. because it was a teacher led class, not my own. Wrong! I got there late, and it was her prep time and my time to teach. I felt horrible. So, I scrambled to figure out what I was doing and sent her on her way.

At lunch time, Keegan's teacher pulled me in to her room. She had found a bookmark with " if you are reading this.. I might be dead." I was shocked but thought with Halloween and everything else.. maybe he was being funny. She asked if she could talk to him, and I agreed. I had to get the kids early for dentist appointments, so I asked him what it was about. He told me that he heard a song on the radio the other day (If Your Reading This by Tim McGraw) and it made him sad. So he wrote it out. Never put two and two together. Then he said he had a dream last week. A dream his dad came back without a leg and scratches on his back. We discussed how that made him feel and how he needed to talk to me,his teacher, or the counselor if he has dreams like that. He usually doesn't talk much about AJ being gone, and holds it in.. a lot like me. Strong on the outside, feeling like I have lost my mind on the inside.

It just breaks my heart. I debated on writing an E-mail to AJ, because you are always thinking how they will take an E-mail over there and you don't want to distract them from their mission, but I feel he needs to know. So, I sent the E-mail. I am hoping that they can start E-mailing since the phone isn't the most reliable these days.

Anyway, we are so lucky to have such a thoughtful teacher for Keegan this year. She is going to have him keep a notebook that he can write about sad things. I guess much like my blog. Although, I tend to not write down the things that are bothering me.. not really sure why. I guess I need to start doing that more. I think I felt like my blogs were getting to negative and I am not a negative person.

I think over the past month I have been angry. I think not angry at AJ but at the situation. I think that I may have had some anticipatory grief. I have been reading alot about anticipatory grief. Here is some info on it.


Anticipatory Grief
Kristin Henderson | July 12, 2007
While my husband, a Navy chaplain, was in Iraq with the Marines, I imagined a knock at my door. I imagined uniformed Marines telling me that my husband was dead. I imagined the funeral. I did this regularly until my husband was safely home in my arms.

I thought I was the only one with such a morbid imagination until I began researching my book about military families, "While They're at War." Chaplain Jeffrey Watters described how he and other chaplains on Fort Bragg, NC, had noticed a wave of grief sweeping through the families on the homefront.

"They were exhibiting the same symptoms as those who are grieving over a loved one with a terminal illness," Watters told me. Then he listed the symptoms.

My mouth dropped open. I'd had many of those symptoms during my husband's deployment. I had cried in the shower, sometimes felt like I couldn't get enough air, and one day in church had an almost uncontrollable urge to get up and run out. Not only did I not know all this craziness had a name -- anticipatory grief -- I didn't know there were techniques to cope with it.

It turns out that anticipatory grief is common among homefront families during a wartime deployment. We're so afraid of losing the one we love that our bodies start to react as if they're already dead. The symptoms include:
-- tightness in the throat or chest
-- shortness of breath
-- sensitivity to loud noises
-- forgetfulness and difficulty concentrating
-- agitation and restlessness, like an anxiety attack
-- extreme hunger or lack of appetite
-- crying jags
-- headaches
-- insomnia
-- drug use or excessive drinking

Grief is nothing to be ashamed of. It's a normal human emotion, and grieving people typically move through five phases: denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance and hope. Not everyone experiences all these phases, and they may not occur in that order. But any of those responses are normal, even if the one you love is alive and kicking.

__________________________________________________________________________

I know that I have gone through the isolation phase, and isolated myself from my family and friends at times. I feel like I have been through the anger phase, angry at the situation and that I feel like I am doing this all on my own.

I can tell you that a million times in my head, I have planned AJ's funeral. I have invisioned the knock on the door, who would come, who I would call. How I would tell the kids. I found myself many times being at church, becoming consumed by it. I have thought about it down to the music,who would speak, etc. I thought it was very morbid and couldn't believe that I had those thoughts. After reading about anticipatory grief, I know I am not crazy. I think it is away of protecting myself, just in case.

I know this is a lot today... but maybe it's just what I needed as my son needed to get his words out. I could feel all of this boiling inside of me today when I was waiting for my kids at their dental appointment. Two ladies ran into each other and had talked about how busy they were running around, etc. They couldn't imagine how any working mother could ever work. I sat there and probably rolled my eyes. I was so tired of listening to them complain and wanted to stand up and say, " You have no idea. You have no idea what it is like to run and run and run and have no one to help you. You have no idea what it is like to work a full day of work, run your errands, get home so the dogs can go pee, then do homework, cook dinner, go to basketball practice, get baths done, plan for the next day, and then still find time to wash clothes. Maybe you would get work out in, or get to visit on the phone. More then likely you are so exhausted, all you want to do is retreat by yourself for 5 minutes. Ughhh.....

At least I premade dinner tonight and we are home before 5! Yippy!!!!Aren't you glad you are on this crazy ride with me?

Yeah! More pictures from Iraq!

Another weekend..

It has been a pretty quiet weekend. Friday I was able to go out to dinner with my sister Jamie. We don't get to do it very often, so it was a nice treat. Yesterday was spent getting the boys new shoes, grocery shopping, and just getting the house in order. My friend Shannon came over and we took a ride North to this old PonyBridge. It is now in the middle of a huge Wind Farm. So, you can see the windmills in the background. We had a good time being goofy so she could practice with her camera. Enjoy!

Pics from Iraq

AJ sent these today. I am going to blow up the one of the kids. If I am ever feeling sad about him being away or like I want to give up... this picture is a perfect reminder of what he is doing. When Brady saw it he said " Oh.. Iraq is broke." Keegan said, "Those kids are like us!"

Getting back into routine...

I had a great time in Chicago. I got to attend two conferences on the process of Nationally Accrediting your school. We are in the process and I was chosen to be on the steering committee. After our conference on Thursday we enjoyed some shopping at the Oak brook Mall. I have to admit, I only came home with one sweater. Everything up there seemed to be so much higher in price then down here. But, we had a blast. I then got to enjoy dinner with a great Marine Wife friend of mine, Katie Ingram. We hadn't seen each other in a year, and it was a nice visit! We went through our second deployment together and she was one of my rocks.

Today has been spent trying to get back into a routine. AJ asked for some healthy snack items, so we went to Wal-mart to get things to fill three packages for him. He sent me the below pictures today. They sort of hit me pretty hard when I saw how he was sleeping and the rifle next to his bed. Sometimes it is better just to imagine how he is living. I continue to get several emails from him and he tries to call every other day. Yesterday I actually got two calls. I know he is missing me.

I hope you all are doing well. I'd love to hear from you all!

I'm here!!

I wanted to write a quick note and let you all know I am here and alive! It has been a crazy week and blogging has taken a back burner. I have either talked or E-mailed with AJ everyday. He is doing great. He has been going to Fallujah in the evenings to work. He says it is amazing the changes there. He thinks the Iraqis are so funny. They love the Marines and are so impressed with the gear that they have. He said that the police there are really stepping it up. He thought he may not be going out as much with his job, but said that the most of their time will be going out at night when there is a curfew.

I enjoyed a three day weekend! I will work the next two days, then I get to go to Chicago for a conference on Thursday and Friday. I am hopoing to see one of my good friends and do some shopping while I am there.

Here is to a quick week!!!

A new picture!

I got his picture yesterday. It is small. AJ looks tired, but it made my day!

Spoiled =)

Well.. I have to say that I am spoiled. AJ has called everyday this week. I have had more conversations this week with him then I had the whole first deployment! Today he called and told me that he was at his new home. He said they had a three hour convoy. He was very impressed with his base. He said that the trip was quiet and that he was very excited with the progress that has been made in the country. This has to be neat for him to see what it was like at the beginning of the war, to what it is now 4 years later. So.. don't listen to the media. Good things are going on and my husband is in the middle of it!!!

I told him that if he calls everyday that this deployment will sail by! He was calling from a satellite phone on a roof he said. So, the boys got a kick out of that.

Other then that we are good. Everyone is healthy. I got to work for 2 days. Tomorrow I am at a conferences on MySpace and how technology is effecting our youth. I am looking forward to it. I have started a work out routine, too. AJ and I promised each other to be healthier and more fit when he got back. So, I got an exercise ball. I was able to work my abs, do some weights, work my arms, and legs. I was sore this morning! I look forward to doing it after the boys go to bed. I want a rockin body for my sisters wedding next May!!!

Well, I better get going. I need to get the kiddos to bed.

AJ Called!!!

It was so weird.. it got to be about 9 p.m. and I thought I hadn't heard from AJ in 48 hours. I was getting a bit worried. Turns out he is in TQ in Iraq. He will be there for a few days then looks like he is going to Baharia near Fallujah. I am hearing that it is a pretty quiet area and things are getting back to normal. They are encouraging people to send stuff that they can hand out to the kids there. That should be fun =) Anyway other then being completely thrown off with the time change.. he says he is good. I couldn't tell him enough that I loved him and missed him!!! I can sleep a little easier tonight.

Another Day...

Well it was another day of laziness at home. Yes, I said laziness. I didn't do a whole lot. I laid around most of the day, as did Brayden. My throat started to hurt this evening, so I called and got an antibiotic. I don't need strep now! Other then that, thanks to my parents I got to go to Wal-mart by myself! I know all of you Moms know what I'm talking about! It's a HUGE deal! You get to focus and you have all of your sanity when you leave =) Not to mention I ran in to a few people I hadn't seen in awhile, and I got to visit!!!

I am hoping we are all back to school/work tomorrow. I am ready to be in my routine. I have not heard from AJ in 48 hours. I found myself jumping today when I thought I hear the ringer for his AIM. It turned out not to be him =(

I don't know if you all have heard of the Freeport Flag Ladies or the Maine Troop Greeters, but they take photos and greet the Marines at their last stop in the US. I found one photo of AJ on each. I know he AVOIDS any of this type of attention, so I am lucky we have one!

Oops! We found another. He's standing in the back!

What a day!

AJ called me at 9:30 last night to tell me he was in Kuwait. It sounded like he should be in Iraq by now. You know how the military is... closed lips. Anyway.. It was a nice surprise to hear from him, because I thought it would be several days.
He sounded good and sounded like he was trying to get his body into the different time. (They are 9 hours ahead.)

Brady woke me up at 1:00 a.m. screaming with a temp and throwing up. He ended up sleeping back in my bed, because I couldn't settle him down. I put a call into the doctor this morning, and finally heard from her at 9:45. She called and asked if we could be there by 10:15... I said sure, but inside I was trying to figure out how I would shower, get him dressed, and drive the 20 minutes. But, we made it barely and waited an hour to see her. ERRR... They did a strep test and it came back before the 5 minutes as positive. Yippy!! NOT! I have been so sick the past two years with strep, so I hope and pray I don't get it. Then she proceeds to tell me he has to be on the meds for 24 hours... so no work for me and school for him.

The good thing about all of this is that I got my phone call list down and am washing everything in site. I made a phone call to have our furnace cleaned and maintenced before we have to turn it on here. When I called the lady, she said that they couldn't get anyone out here for at least a month. That no one will come to our area until then. I pulled the deployment card on her and expressed that my husband was in Iraq and that I was here with my two small children. I can't possibly turn my furnace on without having it checked. Amazingly she finds me an opening on Monday. I actually even had a choice. It is horrible that I have to play that card... but know I can use it if I need something done NOW!

In the midst of all of this, I started my period. It was totally unexpected. ( We were not trying.. just had to change our prevention method!) Brady was in the bathroom throwing up. I haven't been to the store in a week... so I did not have the essentials. I called my Dad first. He pretty much tried to pass it on to my Mom! (HE HE!) Then I got a hold of my sister in law. (Thanks Michelle!) Also, now I know that I will not have a post deployment baby and we are definitely done!!!! ( Again, we were not trying, but when you change methods.. you always worry.)

Tomorrow I am going to get my house scrubbed and put back together. I think God gave me these days to regroup... just hope I don't get sick =)